Night 3—Thursday:

“Must not have had enough caffeine this morning, I guess,” I said shaking my head.

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Dr. Taggart asked me.

“Yes, please… black.”

He paged his secretary and asked her to bring in a cup of coffee.  She set it down on the doctor’s desk in front of me and exited the room.  When she closed the door behind her, the doctor continued, “You were going to tell me something, Tom?”

“Oh, uh… yeah.  I’ve been having trouble making sense of things lately.  Like everything is jumbled together, you know?”

“I guess not.  How do you mean?”

“It’s like all my thoughts are just running together and I don’t know where one starts and the other ends.  Like I’m trying to make sense of things and everything is out of order.”

“I see.  Is this something that’s been going on for a while?”

“No.  I mean, I’ve been getting sleep since I got the CD, but it’s like sleeping has thrown everything out of whack.  It’s like my mind is jumping all over the place and I don’t know how to stop it.”

“I see,” he said looking down at his notepad.  He quickly wrote something down and peered up at me.  “Your brain is still adjusting to finally getting some sleep.  You’ve had a routine that consisted of as little rest as possible and now you’re getting a full eight hours of sleep.  As much as you need the sleep, your mind is still adjusting to this new routine, so it may take a while to sort things out.”

“So, it’s a temporary thing?”

“Yes.  Once you get into a normal sleep routine, I’m sure all of this will clear up.  But that comes back to finding the root of the nightmare.  When you find out what brings you to the top of the building, take hold of your dream, take the leap, and fly, I’m sure you’ll find it a lot easier to get some rest.  And you won’t need some easy listening CD to get some shuteye.”

We talked a little longer about the significance of my dream.  What I thought the building might be, why and how I got up on top of it, and why I always fell.  I don’t know if anything came of it, but it was an interesting discussion.

The doctor theorized that the building might be a challenge that I’m facing.  Climbing to the top of this tall structure seems like a sort of accomplishment, but I have this fear of failing—that’s why I fall.  Despite making it to the top, I’ve got the pressure of actually making it and the fear of what I’m going to do after I reach the top.  I keep trying to climb, but there’s nowhere else to go, so I fall.  That’s what the doctor thought, anyway.

My session ended and he suggested I keep in touch and continue coming back to talk—to see what kind of progress I’ve made.  I left the room and set up another appointment with his secretary.  Monday, next week.  I walked downstairs and exited the building.  Opening the door, I was welcomed into a familiar location that didn’t at all resemble the outside of Dr. Taggart’s office.

I looked up and saw I was standing under a green awning.  The street signs beside me indicated that I was on the corner of 3^rd and Washington.

Day #—@$73R1$Kday:

I knew exactly where I was.  This familiar scene I’ve walked dozens of times before; the one I had watched form itself right before my eyes.  I looked south, scanned the skyline, and finally saw the towering building —the monument to all my restless nights.  I stared at it and felt it beckoning me to stand on its peak.  I would not be defeated this night.  No, this night, I would fly.

To be continued…

Freefall is the creative property of Andrew T.S. Bedgood and is protected by US Copyright law.  Any use of this creative work without permission is prohibited.